Finding My Voice

Am I settling? Is this the beginning of my story or someone else’s? What is my story? 

In my current stage of life, I often ponder these sentiments. As someone who’s stumbled and been pushed into most of my life decisions, I’m finally starting to ask myself: am I doing what I want to be doing? But honestly, do I even know what I truly want to do?

As a self-proclaimed obsessive planner, this stage of life has been particularly difficult for me. In our society, the first 22 years of your life are highly planned and structured with little to no room for deviation. I didn’t realize it at the time but I’d grown to be comfortable and complacent with that structure. I was along for whatever ride was expected of me without ever stepping back and allowing myself to question whether this ride was the one that I wanted to be on. 

Come graduation, nothing changed. I unknowingly allowed myself to be influenced by society and the people around me into what they thought was best for me (they being the keyword). I found myself living a life I didn’t ask for and confused about what to do now. I was disoriented, lonely, and hopeless, wondering how or if I could escape my reality. All because I’d allowed others to have the final say in my decisions. 

Unlearning how you move and operate within the world is no easy feat. I’m forcing myself to step away from the noise and get in touch with the Kasey that’s inside, not everyone’s perception of Kasey. It’s taking a lot of self-awareness and discovery along with forgiveness for the people I love (including myself). Their intentions were honest but I put too much value in them. So now I’m rewriting my story, keeping me at the forefront. It hasn’t been easy but luckily my story is far from over.